What is a stopgap relationship and why avoid it – Donnamoderna

P.It can happen that in order to deal with the end of a relationship, one hides in stopgap relationships. This is why it would be best to avoid this type of relationship

We’ve all heard the classic saying nail drives out, and while it might seem like a good idea to throw yourself headlong into what’s called a stopgap relationshipin reality this is not the case, and indeed this type of story should be avoided as much as possible, even if it is not always easy.

Those who have just come out of a love relationship, perhaps a long one, and are also facing a painful breakup, should first focus on processing their pain and accepting this new absence., rather than throwing yourself into a new story.

What is a stopgap relationship

With a stopgap relationship we mean the kind of relationship in which one often throws oneself to ease the pain of ending a relationship that has meant a lot.

Often, however, these are stories started more to overcome the fear of being alone, rather than for a real feeling and the risk is that they will run out in a flash in the pan, leaving us with a bitter taste in our mouth and more lonely and sad than before.

It is normal for past relationships to have their own weight, but we must also avoid that they influence the present one; and a relationship that began only to not think about the breakup just experienced is a bad premise for a lasting relationship.

It is very important to learn to deal with loneliness and not be afraid of being alone: engage in a relationship just to not be single it is certainly not a good premise for a long, stable and satisfying relationship, and indeed it is a behavior that usually involves somewhat toxic personalities, such as narcissists.

Why avoid stopgap relationships

Nobody likes being second choice or feeling like a “tool” for forgetting an ex who has hurt us, and treating the new partner in this way is not a good way to start a relationship.

The premises for a new relationship should be attraction, respect and feeling good together, certainly not the fear of being alone or the desire to be distracted; a stopgap relationship is not only not good for us, but it is not respectful towards the new partner. But how to avoid falling for it?

Learn to be alone

Loneliness is not always a bad thing; first of all it is not true that a single person is also a single person. He can surround himself with the affection of friends and family and lead a full and fulfilling life even without being in a relationship.

However, learning to feel good even alone and without a partner is a fundamental step that we should all face in life. Only in this way can we learn to really know each other, mature and face the new relationship with a different, more aware spirit.

Overcoming mourning

Getting over the breakup of a relationship is for all intents and purposes how to deal with a little grief; before we can go back to normal – and throw ourselves into a new love relationship – we must let time pass and heal from the emotional wounds we have suffered and which make us suffer.

It is not realistic to think of leaving a person and immediately moving on to another relationship without suffering the consequences, and it is not respectful even towards the new partner who should be able to have all our attention and not suffer raw pain and longing for a bad relationship.

Because in the end you know, they are all knots that come to a head and undermine the foundations of the new relationship.

Distract yourself with new activities

The best thing to end a relationship, after taking some time to reflect, is to get distracted not with a stopgap relationship, but with new activities.

From finding a new hobby, to taking a trip, or to catching up on those things that we could no longer do with our partner, there is nothing better than focus on something other than a relationship to heal the pain of a separation.

The important thing is to understand that we must not be satisfied with just anyone in order not to be alone; primarily out of respect for oneself and then for the other person, who instead deserves a relationship with all the trappings and a 100% attentive and present partner.

Starting a relationship is an important path and having a randomly chosen person near us, who does not convince us at all, but was at the right time in the right place is a bad decision.

Not to mention that it will hardly be a relationship that will bring us love and satisfaction indeed, in all likelihood it could end badly, leaving us more alone and frustrated than before.

After the interruption of a relationship, perhaps even long and important, it is good take time for yourselfto listen to each other and also understand the reasons why the relationship did not work, growing and improving.

Only after facing this path, which is sometimes painful and complex, and after letting go of our past, will we be able feel ready to find the right personand throw ourselves into a beautiful story that has meaning and is not just a stopgap relationship.